No more dreams!
September 29, 2007 For a minute there I lost myself 12 CommentsI’m starting to hate dreams. Last night I had two disturbing dreams, the kind of dreams you feel so good in and then when you wake up you’re totally depressed because you know they’re never going to come true. And I keep dreaming of people who meant a lot to me and now we’re not even talking on YM.
And it’s crap, cause in my dreams we’re friends again and everything’s pink and perfect, like nothing has happened. But it has and I can’t do a thing to make things better. It’s like when you want to patch your favourite pair of jeans because they mean so much to you and you don’t want to throw them away: no matter how well you do it, the patch and the sewing will still be visible, you can’t pretend you don’t see them. So what good’s a relationship when it already has this huge patch sewed over it?
I dread those first minutes after I open my eyes in the morning. I stare at the ceiling, I go over my dream again and again and I can’t believe it was all in my imagination, that what I felt wasn’t real, that s/he is not with me, that it was only a bloody dream 
And then I keep thinking about it all day long and I start remembering things, I get depressed, want to completely erase the person from my memory/mind/life, usually I do stupid things like throw away everything the person has given me, I listen to sad music, drink lots of tea, eat tons of chocolate, I do anything that will distract me from my night demons…
I think I’ll call the Sandman and tell him to cut me out of his list. I don’t want to dream anymore.
